


Inextricable

by MJosephine10



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 19:57:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10646979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJosephine10/pseuds/MJosephine10
Summary: Here is part two! Again, it's very short and plotless and a bit of a mess but I've loved writing it. Hopefully it's a good compliment to part 1 (Unfathomable) link here:http://archiveofourown.org/works/9905930





	Inextricable

Thoughts chased themselves through his mind endlessly.

Pictures, memories, Snoke's whisperings and commands, his father's voice firm and unsentimental, Come home. It's not too late. 

Everything blurred together so thoroughly that he couldn't distinguish the voices and desires pulsating through him from each other or tell where one ended and the other began. 

But that had always been the case. Good and bad, light and dark, Snoke and his family, compassion and hatred had always run parallel in him, so close indeed that sometimes they ceased to be parallel and mingled their colors together inextricably. He had known hatred that could sooth and love that could sting him to the quick—how did he know which he truly wanted? 

He knew what he felt in the darkest depths of his heart. It was an ache and yearning deep in his bones so overwhelming at times it threatened to break him apart. 

But a yearning for what? Whatever it was, it was woven inextricably with Snoke's slithering suggestions and manipulations yet he had known on some level that this ache was something different entirely. He was always too tired all the time to figure out what it was; everything in him was too frenetic. All his thoughts and emotions were continually whipped into a blazing frenzy that did its best to drown out the ache, and though nothing could ever make it fully disappear it hovered just below the surface of his actions, always just beyond his comprehension. 

Until he met her.

From the moment he first heard mention of her, the ache in him had intensified a thousandfold. 

And when he first saw her, everything in him became louder and quieter at the same time. She seemed to him almost the focal point of the ache; he could not shake the conviction that he had met the very personification of the light. Like the haunting of his every dream and nightmare had stepped outside of him and took form. And the ache in him hurt so much more and called to him so much more because of her.

When she had been brought before him, defiant and bedraggled, when she had been subjected to the screaming and harassment of the One, all Kylo’s self-control had snapped in an instant. His instinctive pull towards the light, towards her, overwhelmed every other instinct and every other loyalty. He had done the unthinkable. He had deliberately defended the enemy and attacked one of his own.

Why he had been thrown into the same cell as her he had no idea, unless his jailers were hoping he would come to his senses and turn on her to make up for his weakness. Like that was going to happen. He felt enormous shame at his own weakness; he still despised it as an insurmountable failing but at least he recognized that it was insurmountable. 

He lifted his bent head for the first time to look at his cellmate.

She was sitting up right against the opposite wall of the cell, her posturing mirroring his a little, knees drawn up, head bent, refusing to meet his gaze. Stray curls pushed loose by preceding events fell around her face.

All the thoughts that had been swirling inside of him stilled at the sight of her, rushing away like a receding tide, dissipating like fog in sunshine. Everything he thought about her, every conflicted emotion she inspired in him seemed insignificant compared with who she was. 

And he realized with sudden, stabbing clarity in his heart that Rey was more than the embodiment of his attraction to the light side. She wasn’t, as he had imagined so short a time ago, the deepest desire of his heart in human form. Or at least, she wasn’t only that. She was better. She was wholly distinct from anything he could ever know or imagine or feel. She existed in a separate stratosphere; she was a star too bright to live even in the same galaxy as he.

A realization sunk into him like a knife being slowly twisted and deepened into a wound, something he had known for a while now but hadn't been able to articulate until this moment. Sitting across from her in a cell. Seeing the clear beauty of her small frame and frankly open features. Sensing almost more than seeing the concentration and confusion pass over her face in waves. Feeling her presence hit him like a physical blow again and again. 

He loved her more than he had ever loved anything in his entire life. 

And he knew with absolute certainty he could never have her.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is part two! Again, it's very short and plotless and a bit of a mess but I've loved writing it. Hopefully it's a good compliment to part 1 (Unfathomable) link here:http://archiveofourown.org/works/9905930


End file.
